Tesla Model S Plaid
Why 5.8: The definitive numbers car: a 2.1-second party trick performed twice per ownership. Doug gave it 73 — as transport with comedy acceleration it's superb; as a driver's tool it barely registers.
Layout
Natural habitat
Ride comfort
Sound
Motor whine, tyre roar and wind. Tesla adds nothing and does not pretend to, which is arguably the more honest position — but there is nothing here to rate.
electric · rated 0.5 / 10 for engine sound
Market value
Median asking price, good condition · €106k (2022) → €55k (2026), trending down · illustrative data
Child seats · ISOFIX
Both outboard rear seats carry LATCH lower anchors and a top tether; the center rear position is belt-only.
No LATCH hardware in the front seat — Tesla's guidance matches the rest of the industry in pointing child restraints to the back.
FMVSS 225 (US federal LATCH mandate, lower anchors + top tether required from Sept 2002) (owner-community sourced, not manufacturer documentation)
The long version
The party trick gets performed for a passenger once, maybe twice, and then the Plaid settles into being exactly what a Model S always was: quiet, quick in a straight line, and driven mostly for commuting rather than cornering. Values have nearly halved since 2022, a Tesla-wide depreciation pattern that hits the flagship hardest because the acceleration premium does not hold up once the novelty wears off for the used-buyer pool too. Valet Royalty fits less literally than on the German trophy cars, nobody hands this to an actual valet, but the same truth applies: bought for a number, not an experience.